Behind the “big feelings”,,,,,,,

Last Saturday, I attended a conference about the developing social and emotional brain of young children hosted by CCRR with guest speakers, Dr. Vanessa Lapointe and David Loyst. The point of the whole presentation is about building connections with the young children before discipline, which I totally agree with. Some great examples and suggestions had been mentioned and discussed. However, I am just wondering how those strategies work in a small group setting, especially in the daycare, the raio is 1 to 8. It could be difficult for a teacher who works alone with 8 young children to manage everything effectively when “big feelings” arise.


Picture this. The washroom is down the hallway. A teacher takes 8 little ones to the washroom after a nap. Some of them are still in potty training, needing pull-up change. The youngest starts having a tantrum due to not having enough nap. Why? The parents requested a short nap for this child so the child could go to bed earlier. So, you have a child, crying and screaming, another one waiting for a pull-up change and others playing around in the small waiting area where they should be seated. In this situation, I believe most teachers would be so frustrated but have to handle it right away. As a teacher, do we have the luxury of time to sit there with the crier? Is that fair to the other children who also require care and attention? 


Now, picture another scenario. A 4-year old girl who is very sweet but sensitive start being pushy and playing roughly with other children or being silly in the washroom break or the circle time. One day, it is time for outdoor play. She gets triggered by a small conflict with another friend and starts having tantrum, staying in the classroom, refusing going outside. All of other children are ready to go and have been waiting for her. The teacher works alone because of the ratio. Again, is it fair for the teacher to ask other children to wait for her to be ready? 


As their teacher, do I know the reasons behind the scenarios mentioned above? Surly, I do. They all struggle with different ongoing family dramas. I understand their anxiety, frustration and stress. At their age, they might even know how to express those feelings but through challenging behaviors. However, I do believe one of the functions to form a small group setting for young children is provide them plenty of opportunities to experience various emotions. Working through their challenges is also a crucial part to develop social skills . As a teacher, our job is to guide them with the tools and support to handle frustration and conflicts in healthy ways. 


Staying connected and building a relationship with the little ones do not happen when they have “big feelings.” Instead, it should be done through the small moments of  daily life. At the center, I try to give my little one on one, heart to heart time. Individual attention makes them feel loved and valued. Even just a hug or holding hands, it still sends out the message of caring. I also try my best to answer their questions, make conversations with them or even play along with their imagination. The stronger the foundation of trust is, the easier to discipline their behavior. It does not mean they do not need a few minutes to process their emotions. However, the connection between you and the little ones is the bridge that they can always come to you because they know they can count on you, because they are valued and they matter to you. 


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